I hear the words roll out of your mouth as easily as a ‘hello’, but I know that behind the lightness with which they flow, there is this weight that dips into your heart every time you admit it.
That you’re not enough. Not good enough.
I watch you say the words, resigned and hurt, trying to get over yourself. And the light dims in your eyes as these words spin a dark web that hem you in, as the strings that make up this trap dig into your skin.
And I want to tell you that you don’t have to feel that way. That you don’t constantly have to feel as though you’re a damaged good, a flower with missing petals that you need to apologise for. I want to tell you about how your every breath inspires in me a peace I only feel when I look at the stars, or when I am somewhere far away where nobody knows me.
But I can’t tell you what to feel or not. You have been led here, to this place where “Not Good Enough” is normal and I can’t take this away by just wishing. By just telling you “You don’t have to feel like this.” Because at the end of the day, you do.
So I will love you loudly even in the silence I am accustomed to. I will hold your hand out in public. I will be proud of having you by my side, flaws, scars and all. I will make it so that “Not Good Enough” is no longer normal.
I will watch as these words start to taste unfamiliar on your tongue. I will watch the smile stretch back lazily into shape on your face again. I will watch happiness tickle your skin and send your soul tingling. I will look at the light returning to your face and will close my eyes when your voice starts to carry the tune of your favourite song after so long.
I can’t wait to see you again. Flawed, scarred, imperfect, different, but Oh so you.